Arguments are never fun, for parents or kids

Brandon's Story

I am fairly good with words and negotiate my way in and out of certain situations. Arguing to get things ends up working out more often than not, with one parent or the other. Inevitably you learn that Arguing works, but that’s not what should work. If your parents get in a fight and they just start bickering back and forth with you, and the point is that if parents say, arguing, that’s a point off, you keep arguing you get more points off. The fact is you’re not going to get into these long-term arguments, you’re not going to get in big fights because it’s clear what you have to do, and there’s no middle ground. You just know what’s expected of you, and that leads your parents to just have a better relationship with you.

Having the EasyChild system changed my life

When I started off in school my first experience was I’d gotten expelled early from elementary school for my radical behavior. At the time I was just impulsive and disruptive, and that led me to being sent to special schools. And there, they did have a system like EasyChild but it was much more intense and much more structured in the time period in which you’re evaluated on things. And that worked well for me. I wasn’t nearly as severe as some of the kids there, but II graduated there and got to come home. I learned a lot from the system.

I learned I could please my parents and still get what I wanted

At school, you go to your classes. There’s a formula, and at home with parents’ expectations and you need to have a way so you know what they are, so you can do them best to make your parents happy, so they’ll give you the privileges that you want. You have clear, written out, a sheet that says, if I do this, if I do that, I can do extra things to make my parents even happier. And this is what I do, and this is what it means to be a member of this family. This is what it means to, contribute, and then I’ll get rewarded for that. Having that clearly set out is really an important thing. So there’s no inconsistency between parents and between conversations, understanding of what you’re expected and what you can get.

Earning things became like a game I could be good at

With EasyChild you know what each thing’s worth as far as point values.You know what you have to do to get those points, and then the simple matter is just earning them and calculating them and see what level you’re going to get. I mean, I look ahead a few days. I see like, oh, if I can just do a little bit more and, you know what average points you’ll get a day if you just do everything. What you have to do to get extra, I mean you figure out what’s required to be that, to get Level A. To get super level and get those privileges that you really want. And so you do come, what can I do now? I just need two more points and, parents will be happy if the kids are, just trying to make that extra effort and, they get a lot more things done around the house, just extra chores.

There was no way to get around the system, so I changed

I’m someone who does like to, find his way, around things and what not, but I think with the EasyChild system there’s no real way to find your way around it. What you do is what you do. If you’re easy going, if you clean up your breakfast, if you make dinner, you earn points. Whatever you do, it’s clear through your actions. You can’t try and talk to one parent or talk to the other. I mean, it’s all in the sheet. It comes down to checkmarks and what they’re associated with. I mean, at the end of the day, it is how many points you got. How much effort and effective behavior you’ve fulfilled and in the end that determines how many privileges you get, and how happy a kid you are.

I was once asked by an interviewer, Did I choose the right parents?

I answered, I can’t choose my parents, but I think EasyChild makes it so that any parent can function better with whatever kids they’re given. A lot of parents have anxiety, stress, whatever it is, illness or not, and that leads to have problems in every relationship with their kids especially. EasyChild allows kids to know what’s going on with their parents. The parents can tell their kids what they expect, the kids can understand what their parents expect, and all in all it ends up working both ways.

Brandon Ancier, age 18, is now enrolled at the University of California, Berkeley, and plans to pursue a career in business or film.